Ultra endurance participants are running from something

A myth or generalisation that has become accepted as truth, reinforced as the wider uptake of trail, ultra and endurance pursuits has taken place. 
It could be argued that the combination of my childhood experiences & battles with my own mental health leave me as a perfect candidate to fall under this tagline. But I’ve never run from my past, nor utilised the trail as a coping mechanism

However, this past week, life has felt somewhat like that depicted in this photo by @jakebaggaley.photographer

Me, a 40 litre pack & arms trying to gain lift

Alone in the wilderness (reality, I was part of a steady procession running through this field at a @maverickrace), surrounded by nipple high momentum preventing crops, channeled onto a narrow path

Whereas I felt full of energy & in control in the photo, this week I’ve been vulnerable, alone & at times at a loss as to what to do

The moment my step mum text me to say she had come round from her general anaesthetic on Monday, was the exact moment the ambulance pulled away from their bungalow with my dad in it. Accepting, processing and making decisions can be tough, but in many respects, is far easier than the event that has lead up to that point or the consequences of burying your head in the sand

Running on Wednesday morning, my first sense of normality in a week that was already going to be different, emotions whirled around my mind, as much as I thought things had been resolved, they hadn’t. Perhaps with the focus on staying upright and away from the dormant bungalow, I was able to reconnect with the softer side of myself. A quivering lip, decompression of the mind, flushing away the worst case scenarios that no longer needed to be stacked up in a form of self defence against potential incoming news.

I’ve never run from something, but this week I ran to enable something 

To be me