My Black Dog is
Looking inwards is not an easy task. You may uncover things you don’t like, aren’t proud of, wish were different. Like hearing your voice when speaking into a microphone or seeing a video, do I really sound like that, why is the pitch & tone different to what I hear when I speak daily?
It took me a long time to realise things weren’t all hunky dory internally. My ability to suppress, compartmentalise & hide were a skill honed over years of needing to. But needing to without understanding that it wasn’t necessary. It wasn’t necessary to lock these thoughts, emotions & feelings away until I was my most vulnerable, to wait until my early 20s when I was gaining independence in life, to then burden myself with navigating the world alone while building a life around avoiding life itself
My personal Black Dog is a potent cocktail
Depression
Social Anxiety
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Individually then can be a handful, combined, all consuming
For those that have been unfortunate to spend days or even weeks (sorry work colleagues) with me, you know I can talk endlessly. But when I walk into the room, I’m often petrified someone I don’t know will talk to me, I’ll rarely introduce myself and I’ve cancelled private work & social appointments due to social expectations manufactured in my head – to the point I’ve felt ill. When you wish I’d shut up, its often when I’m most comfortable. I’ve learnt to cope better & my predisposition to fear the worst has eased somewhat
However, there are other options for any of us wanting to explore ourselves or for one of a better term, seeking help
I’ve got to this stage of being 31 (yes, I know a lot of you think I’m in my 40s+ until I drop that bombshell) with years of professional help, learning about myself and at times, self talk that things will be ok
MY BLACK DOG offers free daily text based/web chats for any adult who wants to talk to someone who gets it, a peer, someone like you. All the trained volunteers have their own personal lived mental health experiences. They get you. They are you
*please note they are not a crisis line*
James Mackeddie 